Mom tells kid no more World of Warcraft

Thoughts below.

Mom tells kid no more WOW

Okay, a brief breakdown of this very typical family drama (apparently accidently recorded over game voice chat and posted by other players).

My gut reaction is painful as everyone is so out of tune with one another, the communication is derailed, and insight seems to be lacking on all fronts. These folks need help!

I've seen people comment that they young many is whiney, manipulative, immature, etc. I would say he has no self-regulatory ability whatsoever and doesn't seem to be in an environment which is helping him achieve any. He doesn't know what he's doing (though he is caught up in something that looks a lot like an addictive process with WoW) -and his parents doen't understand either. It's sad!!

I'd start by working to educate the parents. I'd want them to understand the following:

• Their first mistake is assuming that a young guy this age is capable of self-monitoring and self-control. No one this age has a mature brain and their expectations for him are unrealistic.
• Their son is playing a game with a structure they do not understand. He is highly caught up in the structured reinforcement system. This in-game structure is very powerful and it's expected that it would impact him this way. He has a need to play for multiple reasons that are based in neurobiology. He craves this experience.
• It is for many people (even mature adults) impossible to play WoW without getting caught in the reinforcment structure and losing control
• Many people experience dissociation and time loss while playing MMOs. Kids with ADHD often have "selective attention" and will concentrate so much on one activity that they ignore everything else around them. Whatever his internal experience is, it further impairs his judgment.
• I believe he is indicating (some of it is garbled) that he "just got a group together" and is eager to complete a new and important task in the game. "How long it will take" is never something that can be predicted in advance. Again, they are asking him to do something that is impossible and they don't understand this. He naturally becomes frustrated (and responds with manipulation, which must have worked for him in the past).
• By "bailing" on the group he will face a tremendous loss of esteem, particularly if he's the one who just organized it.
• The other group members are listening to all this over the voice chat system. It's likely he's so upset he's not aware of this.
• The parents say "You can finish it tomorrow night." Again, they don't understand that an MMO doesn't work this way. He's playing in real time, with real people, and he will not be able to "pick up where he left off."
• I'd like to ask them who provided him with a computer, the game, and the broadband connection? Most likely they are paying his monthly subscription fee with their credit card. Essentially they have enabled the entire process and don't understand what they have done.
• Trying to use "logic" at this time in this situation is completely counter productive. They're trying to communicate with the wrong part of his brain. Some more creative interventions need to be developed.
• Mom and Dad don't seem to have any insight regarding what motivates their son to play. There are likely multiple reasons, some possibly having to do with real life (as opposed to virtual life) deficits, and if they don't figure this out they can't successfully solve the problem.

It's my hope that parents learn to play any game their child is playing and understand how to prevent these problems from developing in the first place. This situation is now so out of control that some sort of professional help is probably necessary. I'm frequently asked to consult regarding cases that have erupted into domestic violence. Hopefully they can find a therapist who understands the gaming process.

Final thought to Dad: NO, this is not "just a game."

One of the most surprising things I've ever heard

One of my colleagues phoned the director of a large family counseling agency in Los Angeles recently to share that a workshop is being offered in their community to train mental health professionals on the topic of video gaming and the associated risks and benefits. Those of us who are intimately familiar with gaming realize that in general, mental health professionals are less than culturally competent when it comes to issues related to electronic media and their clients.

The agency director's response proved that point.

"We don't need any training on that topic" she said. "Our counselors only deal with typical adolescent issues."

Ummm, excuse me, but isn't gaming an extremely "typical" activity among people of all ages, particularly adolescents? And while most people have absolutely no impairments from their gaming activities, it's not news that a substantial number are struggling with compulsive playing that interferes with important aspects of life...

Is it?

For the director of a large mental health agency in a major urban area to be so oblivious to the issue shocks me. It really is one of the most surprising things I've ever heard.

More on this topic next time.

Yes - People Change

Two weeks ago I sold my xbox. After 50+ days without playing, it had become exceedingly obvious that my life was better without gamin’. I haven’t transformed into an instant superior version of myself, but my life is slowly heading in a new, and I think better, direction. I’m discovering new interests, new goals, and most importantly new found confidence in myself. So I am happy to report that after going 65 days without gamin’, I no longer feel the urge to play…at least not everyday. I do occasionally feel the “pull” when I see a commerical on tv, or when I pass the video game section in a store. But then, I’ve been playing video games for over two decades, so it’s probably gonna take more than two months to lick this thing.

This is the latest entry from the blog Death by 360 - One Man's Struggle with Game Addiction. http://deathby360.wordpress.com/ (linked by permission)

In a series of 18 brief posts that begin in January 2008, he shares exactly what it's like to come to the awareness that something is wrong with his life due to excessive gaming, and explains exactly why and how he decides to make changes.

It's honest, intelligent, and beautifully written. Reading it will help other people far more than anything I can say.

I find it frustrating when people ask me "What's the treatment for video game addiction?" as if it's something I can explain in three sentences or less. I can't even explain what game addiction is in three sentences or less, as there continues to be so much controversy over whether or not it exists. There is no simple screening device that can let us know precisely what's going on in any person's head. We have to spend a bit of time sorting out patterns of behavior, thought, and emotions to get a true sense of what someone is experiencing and in what way it may relate to their gaming habits.

It's terrific when people self-monitor and figure this out for themselves. It's absolutely wonderful when they find solutions for themselves that work to solve the problem. Sometimes the journey begins by hearing someone else's story and having a little encouragement along the way from friends.

So what's the treatment for game addiction? If you read this blog you'll get a very good idea. And in this case, it had nothing to do with shrinks.