"World of WHAT?"...

Army Recruiting With Video Games - at the mall

It's not really news that the Army has been using video games as recruitment tools for years now...and now at the mall. I hope people with ethical concerns will speak them.

Jesse Hamilton, a former Army staff sergeant who served in Iraq in 2005 and 2006, said the use of videogames glamorized war and misled potential recruits, calling it "very deceiving and very far from realistic."

"You can't simulate the loss when you see people getting killed," said Hamilton, who left the Army after his Iraq tour and is now a member of Iraq Veterans Against the War.
"It's not very likely you are going to get into a firefight," he said. "The only way to simulate the heat is holding a blow dryer to your face."

http://www.reuters.com/article/technologyNews/idUSTRE50819H20090110?sp=true

Tetris helpful in preventing PTSD

We've learned a lot in recent years about PTSD and the way that traumatic memories are consolidated in the neurological system. A new study indicates that playing the simple game Tetris shortly after a traumatic event prevents the formation of traumatic memories and subsequent post-trauma symptomology.

"Although we are developing a number of therapies for PTSD, the most effective ones, such as cognitive behavior therapy, are best suited for patients weeks or months post-trauma. And that's where Tetris comes in. A group of researchers at the University of Oxford have been looking at ways to limit the onset of the disorder, by interrupting the brain's memory processing immediately after a traumatic event.

Their work, published in PLoS ONE, builds off a pair of findings. First, the brain has limited resources, and secondly, work on memory consolidation suggests that there is a six-hour window within which disruption of that consolidation is possible. Put another way, there's only so much your brain can do at once, and if you distract it within that six-hour window, you can prevent the memory being fully formed.

Since PTSD flashbacks involve a strong visuospatial component, distracting those pathways from their trauma with another activity might be expected to interfere with the condition. And that's just what they discovered."

Full article found here:

http://www.facebook.com/ext/share.php?sid=47685647046&h=W7x_z&u=_ecdU

Yanking the game not always the solution...

Regarding the tragic death of Brandon Crisp:

Investigators eyeing the death of gamer Brandon Crisp are speculating that the 15-year-old likely succumbed to hypothermia, according to media reports Friday.

Crisp's body was found Wednesday in an undisturbed condition by deer hunters in a wooded area several miles from his home. Police said they do not suspect foul play.

Crisp had been missing for about three weeks from his house in Barrie, Ontario, a small Canadian city about 60 miles north of Toronto. Crisp bolted after a dispute with his parents over the amount of time he spent playing Call Of Duty 4: Modern Warfare on his Microsoft (NSDQ: MSFT) Xbox.

Crisp was "addicted" to playing online video games, particularly Call Of Duty 4, over Microsoft's Xbox Live online gaming service, according to reports. The game allows players to assume the character of a contemporary combat soldier.

This case is a tragic example of why "take that game away" is not always an appropriate solution when it becomes apparent that something is going wrong in a young person's life or within the family system. Gaming may be part of what's wrong - it may not be the only thing that's wrong. And if an individual is using gaming to cope with other problems, just pulling the game away without adequately dealing with other co-occurring disorders can have disasterous consequences.

It can be difficult to understand why some people play too much, and there are more variables than can be predicted. As I always say, "it's complicated" and ideally professional help should be sought from mental health clinicians who understand gaming and internal player dynamics, behavioral addictions, and family system therapy.

Japanese woman jailed for killing "husband's" avatar

Yes, a high percentage of online gamers take in-game friendships and romantic relationships seriously. People who have never met in real life do develop intense intense attachments in online games. They identify with their avatars.

The Associated Press reported on October 25th that a 43 year old female teacher in Japan was jailed and criminally charged after her in-game spouse jilted her, and she responded by hacking into his account and murdering his avatar. The entire story can be found here:
http://ap.google.com/article/ALeqM5i6uWUGXDt2weftMFg76UD1qyWabwD940B2DG0

Looking at the psychology of the virtual world experience, we come back to the question "What is reality?"

For many people the virtual is very, very real.

Games Magazine Editor on GTA IV

Thomas L. McDonald has been covering games for 17 years. He is an editor at large for Games Magazine. These thoughts come from www.maximumpc.com.

"Watching Grand Theft Auto IV rack up the highest recorded sales in gaming history was one of the most disappointing things I've witnessed in 10-plus years of covering this hobby.

This is utter nonsense, even by the game's own rather warped standards. Putting aside the flaky driving model, clipping problems, and cliched plot and dialogue, there is a gigantic elephant in the room that the gaming press seems hell-bent on ignoring: the issue of morality. It's like we're afraid to acknowledge the rancid, misogynistic ethics of GTA4 because we might give aid and comfort to those who want to control or suppress the freedom of game designers to create. Tough luck. This is simply a vile game utterly lacking any recognizably human moral context.

As Warren Spector, the man behind Deus Ex, recently observed, "GTA is the ulitmate urban thuggery simulation, and you can't take a step back from that. I am frustrated that the games in the GTA series, some of the finest combination of pure game design and commercial appeal, offer a fictional package that makes them difficult to hold up as examples of what our medium is capable of achieving."

Exactly right. DePalma's Scarface has a stronger sense of right and wrong, and The Sopranos is positively conservative by comparison. Like it or not, there is a difference between what movies and games can get away with. The Sopranos is a drama in which the viewer is a passive observer. In GTA, the character is under your control: The choices are yours. That distinction matters...

...Dan and Sam Houser have given the government the gun it's going to use to put a bullet in the brainpan of the gaming industry. Why the hell are we defending them?" - Thomas McDonald

Principles of neuroplasticity indicate that any activity we engage in repetitively does change the way we think and perceive reality - even if on subtle levels beneath conscious awareness. I'll be posting more on this topic in the future. In the meantime, I highly recommend Dan Siegel's book The Developing Mind.

Mom tells kid no more World of Warcraft

Thoughts below.

Mom tells kid no more WOW

Okay, a brief breakdown of this very typical family drama (apparently accidently recorded over game voice chat and posted by other players).

My gut reaction is painful as everyone is so out of tune with one another, the communication is derailed, and insight seems to be lacking on all fronts. These folks need help!

I've seen people comment that they young many is whiney, manipulative, immature, etc. I would say he has no self-regulatory ability whatsoever and doesn't seem to be in an environment which is helping him achieve any. He doesn't know what he's doing (though he is caught up in something that looks a lot like an addictive process with WoW) -and his parents doen't understand either. It's sad!!

I'd start by working to educate the parents. I'd want them to understand the following:

• Their first mistake is assuming that a young guy this age is capable of self-monitoring and self-control. No one this age has a mature brain and their expectations for him are unrealistic.
• Their son is playing a game with a structure they do not understand. He is highly caught up in the structured reinforcement system. This in-game structure is very powerful and it's expected that it would impact him this way. He has a need to play for multiple reasons that are based in neurobiology. He craves this experience.
• It is for many people (even mature adults) impossible to play WoW without getting caught in the reinforcment structure and losing control
• Many people experience dissociation and time loss while playing MMOs. Kids with ADHD often have "selective attention" and will concentrate so much on one activity that they ignore everything else around them. Whatever his internal experience is, it further impairs his judgment.
• I believe he is indicating (some of it is garbled) that he "just got a group together" and is eager to complete a new and important task in the game. "How long it will take" is never something that can be predicted in advance. Again, they are asking him to do something that is impossible and they don't understand this. He naturally becomes frustrated (and responds with manipulation, which must have worked for him in the past).
• By "bailing" on the group he will face a tremendous loss of esteem, particularly if he's the one who just organized it.
• The other group members are listening to all this over the voice chat system. It's likely he's so upset he's not aware of this.
• The parents say "You can finish it tomorrow night." Again, they don't understand that an MMO doesn't work this way. He's playing in real time, with real people, and he will not be able to "pick up where he left off."
• I'd like to ask them who provided him with a computer, the game, and the broadband connection? Most likely they are paying his monthly subscription fee with their credit card. Essentially they have enabled the entire process and don't understand what they have done.
• Trying to use "logic" at this time in this situation is completely counter productive. They're trying to communicate with the wrong part of his brain. Some more creative interventions need to be developed.
• Mom and Dad don't seem to have any insight regarding what motivates their son to play. There are likely multiple reasons, some possibly having to do with real life (as opposed to virtual life) deficits, and if they don't figure this out they can't successfully solve the problem.

It's my hope that parents learn to play any game their child is playing and understand how to prevent these problems from developing in the first place. This situation is now so out of control that some sort of professional help is probably necessary. I'm frequently asked to consult regarding cases that have erupted into domestic violence. Hopefully they can find a therapist who understands the gaming process.

Final thought to Dad: NO, this is not "just a game."

One of the most surprising things I've ever heard

One of my colleagues phoned the director of a large family counseling agency in Los Angeles recently to share that a workshop is being offered in their community to train mental health professionals on the topic of video gaming and the associated risks and benefits. Those of us who are intimately familiar with gaming realize that in general, mental health professionals are less than culturally competent when it comes to issues related to electronic media and their clients.

The agency director's response proved that point.

"We don't need any training on that topic" she said. "Our counselors only deal with typical adolescent issues."

Ummm, excuse me, but isn't gaming an extremely "typical" activity among people of all ages, particularly adolescents? And while most people have absolutely no impairments from their gaming activities, it's not news that a substantial number are struggling with compulsive playing that interferes with important aspects of life...

Is it?

For the director of a large mental health agency in a major urban area to be so oblivious to the issue shocks me. It really is one of the most surprising things I've ever heard.

More on this topic next time.

Yes - People Change

Two weeks ago I sold my xbox. After 50+ days without playing, it had become exceedingly obvious that my life was better without gamin’. I haven’t transformed into an instant superior version of myself, but my life is slowly heading in a new, and I think better, direction. I’m discovering new interests, new goals, and most importantly new found confidence in myself. So I am happy to report that after going 65 days without gamin’, I no longer feel the urge to play…at least not everyday. I do occasionally feel the “pull” when I see a commerical on tv, or when I pass the video game section in a store. But then, I’ve been playing video games for over two decades, so it’s probably gonna take more than two months to lick this thing.

This is the latest entry from the blog Death by 360 - One Man's Struggle with Game Addiction. http://deathby360.wordpress.com/ (linked by permission)

In a series of 18 brief posts that begin in January 2008, he shares exactly what it's like to come to the awareness that something is wrong with his life due to excessive gaming, and explains exactly why and how he decides to make changes.

It's honest, intelligent, and beautifully written. Reading it will help other people far more than anything I can say.

I find it frustrating when people ask me "What's the treatment for video game addiction?" as if it's something I can explain in three sentences or less. I can't even explain what game addiction is in three sentences or less, as there continues to be so much controversy over whether or not it exists. There is no simple screening device that can let us know precisely what's going on in any person's head. We have to spend a bit of time sorting out patterns of behavior, thought, and emotions to get a true sense of what someone is experiencing and in what way it may relate to their gaming habits.

It's terrific when people self-monitor and figure this out for themselves. It's absolutely wonderful when they find solutions for themselves that work to solve the problem. Sometimes the journey begins by hearing someone else's story and having a little encouragement along the way from friends.

So what's the treatment for game addiction? If you read this blog you'll get a very good idea. And in this case, it had nothing to do with shrinks.

Time Loss - "Ummm yeah, I played for days..."

In reviewing video footage and notes I've taken over the past three years of my own detailed study of MMO gaming, the most common reason that people report getting into trouble with gaming is what we can call the experience of time loss - losing track of time to the extent that one plays for hours upon hours, even days at at time, seemingly without full awareness of how long it's been.

"I went three straight days once" a 28 year old woman admitted with a grin, "I usually play until I fall asleep at my keyboard." College students and adults in their 40s and 50s routinely confess to playing 12 or 15 hours at a time, skipping eating and using empty Mountain Dew bottles in very creative ways.

This can be hard for a lot of people to understand. I get it though - mainly because I've been there. Back in my active clan days in Lineage2 I felt the pull to play "Just one more hour," eating the microwaved frozen burrito while sitting at the keyboard, and neglecting bathroom breaks because "I can't leave the party now - I'm the only healer." I know it sounds weird but you sort of have to be there.

You don't have to be a genius to see that this kind of play impairs real life. And, that there must be some interesting things going on that cause it. I've been immersed in a good book before, staying awake an hour or two longer than I should to get to the end, but I've never behaved like I did while playing in the MMO.

Of course you've got the sophisticated reinforcers built into the game, and the social commitment to the other players you've bonded with who need you (or rather, need your character) to stay. But I think there's often something deeper going on, and on a psychological level I'd refer to it as the process of dissociation.

Dissociation in a nutshell can be described as an alteration in consciousness in which the mind is split off from normal awareness and surroundings. It can be experienced on a continuum, from the mild way you can get caught up in an exciting movie, to the more extreme forms where you lose touch with your physical sensations and the environment around you, losing track of the passing of time (sound like something already mentioned?).

Therapists generally believe that extreme degrees of dissociation are indicative of a mental process gone awry. Something is wrong, and it's happened (or is happening) for a reason. These reasons can be many and varied.

Some people find the experience of dissociation pleasant, and for brief periods of time mild degrees of dissociation are not necessarily harmful; they can even do some good. Sometimes they are intentionally induced through religious trance states or clinical hypnosis.

However if people are staying in a state of dissociation for hours and hours, experiencing time loss to the point their lives are being impaired - well, maybe we should be asking "Why?" and
taking a look at the deeper issues.

The Brain That Changes Itself

It's a rare book that impresses me so much I carry copies of it around to thrust in front of people shouting "You must read this!" Okay, I'm not actually shouting, but I am vigorously singing the praises of Norman Doidge, M.D.'s The Brain That Changes Itself - Stories of Personal Triumph from the Frontiers of Brain Science.

There are just so many ways to apply the information in this book, particularly for those who write me asking "Why is it so hard for me to make changes, and what can I actually do differently?" It's certainly not a self-help book, as Dr. Doidge isn't giving simple answers to complex problems, but I do think many will find information that provides insight into the causes of compulsive behaviors as well as fuel for creative solutions.

Norman Doidge, M.D., is a psychiatrist, psychoanalyst, researcher, author, essayist and poet. He is on the Research Faculty at the Columbia University Center for Psychoanalytic Training and Research, in New York, and the University of Toronto's Department of Psychiatry. A native of Toronto, he divides his time between Toronto and New York. http://www.normandoidge.com/

In his book he shares remarkable information about the science of neuroplasticity, long a subject of great interest to me. I've read a great deal of research previously - however I've never seen anything as easily digestable and presented with such clear and compelling relevancy.

Along with many inspiring stories of remarkable recoveries from brain injuries, Dr. Doidge hones in on aspects of culture (particularly electronic media) and the ways that our brains are quite literally being changed by how we interact with our environment. One of the things I often discuss with people is facilitating inner change by modifying one's entire enviornment in positive ways.

This information is useful to me in each domain of my major interests, from my exploration of the impact of online gaming and virtual worlds, my work as a psychotherapist using multiple modalities to help people achieve positive change, and as a dance/movement therapist working to integrate the mind and body and facilitate healing.

The book is important. Get it.

(sorry for being bossy - I realize this conflicts with my usual non-directive apprach)

Is Play always Play?

Play ceases to be play when it becomes an obligation. - David Elkind, PhD

I think any MMO player understands how this applies to gaming. It's my guess that eventually we'll come up with another word to describe the experience of spending time in a virtual world.

The Plastic Brain

One of the most interesting things about issues relating to electronic media and psychology is that of brain plasticity. It's not like you were just born with a certain kind of ready-to-go brain with certain strengths and weaknesses and that's what you've got ("Type 17-B, strong math skills, weak art and rhythm"). Most people don't realize that their brains grow, change, and develop in response to their environment.

I'm not trying to put a crash course in developmental neuropsychology here - though I'd like to. The most basic thought is that brains become custom-tailored for skills that the environment promotes. The kind of stimulation you have, particularly during childhood, to a very large degree determines the kind of person you become. And the good news is that even if there are deficits during childhood, things aren't set in concrete. The brain is more like plastic and always amenable to certain amounts of change and growth - though it takes longer to make new neural connections as a brain gets older.

Those who spend large amounts of time involved in activities that revolve around language will develop strong neural connections in the brain to build these kinds of skills. The same thing for certain kinds of physical activities. People with truly amazing talents and abilities very often developed those abilities during childhood which grew stronger as they matured. Kids who have been playing lots of computer games since they were toddlers generally have far faster keyboard responses than people who start to play as adults (but do they know how to dance? Do they care?).

If brains don't get enough of the right kinds of foundational experiences certain basic skill areas may never develop. In many cases this accounts for things we describe as "learning disabilities", or things we're "just not very good at."

So what does this have to do with gaming?

The ways we interact with our environment influences the development of our mind, body, and personality. Any media we are exposed to for an extended period of time affects the underlying neural circuitry of the brain that is being established during childhood and adolesence. If we understand this principle we can see how important it is to assess the amount of time kids spend immersed in electronic media. It's not just a question of the kind of content within the media, but what are they not doing in primary life that is actually foundationally necessary to grow effective brains.

Wow... (And I don't mean WoW)

The volume of phone calls and emails I have been receiving from people struggling with compulsive gaming behavior is surprising...even to me. Therapists have been calling to consult about their clients, their own kids, and increasingly to discuss their personal history as compulsive gamers. The conversations are generally very encouraging - we're all learning from each other and people are finding ways to unhook from detrimental actvities they could not control. Many people are getting clearer on defining what a healthy and balanced lifestyle is and making positive changes.

Then there are the other kinds of calls, - the very disturbing ones - in which gaming behavior has been a factor in family violence. Sometimes the incidents are between parents and children, sometimes adult partners - but people are getting hurt, law enforcement and child welfare services are involved, and again I am struck by what an entirely new phenomenon this is.

I don't think anyone was prepared for this.

The most imortant points about MMOs...in a few sentences

Playing games can be a fun hobby. There are lots of benefits from playing games.

MMOs are actually virtual worlds with a complex, multi-faceted, multi-layered reward structure. They are not games in the traditional sense.

The things that make MMOs unique and fulfilling also present certain risks for some people. Some people develop very serious problems and the reasons for this are complex.

People play for lots of different reasons. We have to be thoughtful about generalizing.

If anyone is playing so much it's impairing their life functioing, the issue should be evaluated. Sometimes they need help in doing that, as it can be hard to figure out on your own.

I don't care if you call it addiction or not. I don't care what you call it. Just be self-aware. Check out the video series I put up. Check out the resources listed. Think about it.

Self-awareness, self-monitoring, and understanding how to make good choices are what it's all about.

When your partner plays too much...

Intimacy. Companionship. Passion. These are the reasons most people pair up. If you don’t want to be close to someone you stay single right?

Well that’s the way most of us think it’s supposed to be, but making a relationship work well over the course of time is easier said than done. Life circumstances change, people make transitions, and personalities evolve in ways that can seem entirely unexpected. Life is unpredictable. Some activities bring couples closer together, other activities push them apart.

Lots of couples are coming to marriage counseling identifying “gaming” as the major problem in their relationship. Usually one plays and the other doesn’t; sometimes both play but one plays more than the other. On some occasions they are both playing compulsively, nobody’s taking care of the kids or the living situation, and life has really fallen apart.

Greg’s situation is common. Age 30, he’s been married to Grace for six years. They have two small kids, both work full-time and have few opportunities to see one another under the best of circumstances. “She’s online as soon as she gets home from work; we don’t have dinner together anymore. I’m taking care of the kids in the evenings, and I go to bed alone. Her guild friends mean more to her than I do. I try to talk to her and she just gets mad. Weekends revolve around her Guild schedule. Everything has changed; this is not what I signed up for and I’m not happy about it.”

Little does Greg know that Grace is secretly spending an inordinate amount of time with two men in the game and engaging in romantic, sexually charged role-playing. Since she’s not interested in participating in therapy, the therapist is going to have to help Greg figure out the best ways he can navigate through the situation, and ultimately, whether or not this is something he can live with if it doesn’t improve.

Successful couples work as a team with the ideal goal being that each gets important needs met from the relationship. This requires maturity, communication, dedication, and most importantly, empathy. You have to understand in a very meaningful way what your partner is feeling and what their needs are.

When one partner becomes consumed in their own needs without awareness of the other person’s experience the relationship ceases to function well. Any compulsive behavior can pull people apart, but MMO gaming can be especially problematic because game play can continue endlessly, day or night, and because those nifty reinforcers offer tremendous incentive to keep playing. You can’t put the game on “save” to go share dinner with the family, or to put the kids to bed. And some people don’t realize when it’s time to quit.

Of course a partner is going to become upset. Initially there’s a feeling of loss which quickly moves to frustration, then anger. Positive communication ceases and the overall tone of the relationship becomes negative. The partner who is gaming compulsively tends to become defensive and angry, in fact identifying the negativity in the relationship as just another reason to escape into the fantasy realm of the game where she/he can experience the sense of respect, control, and the associated dopamine rush of satisfaction that takes place in the game. The left-out partner has become increasingly isolated, hurt, and angry thus establishing the proverbial vicious circle. They verbally accuse or attack. The gamer’s defenses go up, denial becomes entrenched. “Problem? I don’t have a problem. After all I’m home, you know what I’m doing…it’s better than being out at a bar.”

But is it? The important point here is how the behavior is affecting the relationship. It doesn’t matter what the behavior is.

So what do you do when “the game” has become “the affair?”

A therapist would suggest three things at minimum: use clear but positive communication, don’t enable, and make sure you take care of yourself. It can also be helpful to get yourself to therapy, whether or not your partner will go.

But back to the three things:

Positive communication means focusing on how you value your partner, want to spend enjoyable time together, and expressing how you feel without coming across angry or judgmental. Talk about your own feelings rather than what the other person is doing wrong. An example is “I really miss seeing you at dinner and cuddling in the evenings. I’m lonely. When you play the game at night I feel shut out.”

Enabling is any behavior that the partner of a person with an addiction does that makes it easier for the person to continue in their addiction. Examples would be preparing food for the gamer and bringing it to the computer. Doing his/her laundry and other household chores; making excuses for why he/she is late for work or misses social events both are invited to; telling yourself it doesn’t really bother you when it does; covering the rent or other household expenses when he or she loses their job.

Taking care of yourself means doing whatever you can to help yourself enjoy life and not wait around for your gaming partner to shut off the game and participate. Get out and meet friends for dinner. Take the kids away for the weekend on a trip. Make your own friends. Have a life.

Of course this is easier said than done and it’s important that you have supportive people to talk to keep your feelings sorted out. Angry venting at your compulsive gamer only makes the situation worse.

Lessons From Columbine

I think anyone interested in psychology and gaming would find Dr. Jerald Block's recently published article on Columbine very interesting. Thanks to Neils Clark for pointing me to it.

To quote a recent comment by Dr. Block:

"Increasingly, I am seeing the computer being used as a functional defense and/or outlet for aggressive and sexual impulses. As such, it is useful; the computer seemingly allows one to act on their frustration without harming others or their relationships. In a sense, the computer becomes an ideal partner - a relationship - always available and eager to participate, never judgmental.

In looking at school shooters and troubled individuals, like Klebold, Harris, Weise, and perhaps Cho (if it is true he removed his hard drive from his computer before killing, as as been reported…see http://www.roanoke.com/vtinvestigation/wb/wb/xp-122382), therapists need to start paying close attention to how the computer is used and what is being created there. Many of the activities one engages in while on the computer might be considered “artistic.” As a result, that work might be less inhibited than their more formal interpersonal interactions. Thus, a therapist might get a better sense of what is happening in their patient’s mind by looking at what is happening when they get on the computer. Just look at the two Flash videos that Wiese created to get a sense of this."

Dr. Block's website: http://www.jeraldjblock.medem.com/

And they waste time arguing about jargon...

One of the most gifted clinicians I know sent me a link to a forum for licensed family therapists who were arguing about labels and whether something (specifically in this case MMO gaming) can be considered an "addiction." She added her own thoughts:

I get annoyed when therapists aren’t able/willing to look (and validate; take seriously) at the needs being met (and unmet) through gaming. Instead there is a judgement that it is just a problem of time management or problem of setting one’s priorities straight...especially when it comes to couples in conflict over gaming. I think that therapists need to look at all the really good reasons why someone may be spending 12 hours+ a day on gaming ....before looking at trying to support a change.

Amen.

And I don't care what you call it. If you can't stop yourself from playing when you know it's harming your life, when you are no longer functioning in important areas like school, job, and spending time with loved ones, if you crave it when you aren't engaged in it and dream of it vividly during your sleep (if you stop playing long enough to sleep) it's a problem.

If you're a mental health clinician it's your responsibility to understand the process and when asked, come up with an effective plan to help people.

All it cost you was your family

From a friend's blog:

I'm done.. i'm tired of doing everything. I'm tired of the half assed attempts at placating. I'm tired of hearing from my daughter how she has to beg for attention.

She told me she made a deal with dad. He could have 15 more minutes of quiet if he would come play with her outside. He went with her but as soon as I pull in the driveway, he ran back inside.

The part that hurts the most is that he values a video game and some strangers on the net more than his daughter or myself. Congrats! You're a rock star in the wow world, the only 70 character of your kind, and all it cost you was your family!